Lately I have been a little upset with some of the bartenders here in good ol' Scottsdale. Perhaps my frustrations are unwarranted; alas that is the reason for this article.

As a community of alcoholics and creators thereof, let us settle the garnishing debate once and for all! No more will we see a lime hanging aimlessly from a whiskey coke, a lemon ruining a vodka tonic, or a cherry... ever.

Below are some simple garnishing rules and guidelines. Garnishing is a controversial topic, so let the debate begin.


First, the tipping customer is always right, not always correct. If they want a cherry in their gimlet, do it!

Second, STOP SQUEEZING THE GARNISH INTO THE DRINK! It is called a garnish because that is what it is, it is not an ingredient! Some people do not like the taste of lime in their tonic. Plus, as bartenders think of how dirty our hands are after touching money, wet rags, a co-worker's crotch... gross.

Lemons = anytime you use SOUR, SODA and WATER (that is why when you go out to dinner they give you lemons with your water!!! fuck!!!)

Limes = anytime you use TONIC or SPRITE, Tequila based drinks, Rum Colas, Gimlets and Presses

Oranges = Blue Moons, Old-Fashioneds and specialty cocktails/martinis... and if its for the later, cut them as pin wheels for god's sake!

Cherries = Kiddy Cocktails, Manhattans, Old-Fashioneds, specialty cocktails/martinis, when requested by a sugar hungry customer and/or to help you as a bartender identify various drinks (cherry vodka soda vs. vodka soda)

Olives = classic and dirty vodka/gin martinis

Onions = Gibsons

Lemon Twists = Cosmos (stop using cherries!)

There are 100's of other one-of-a-kind garnishes that I will avoid talking about but these are the big ones.